This is going to be a pretty lame, honest and maybe depressing post. You have been forewarned.
The College of Education is known for being tough. And I am not even in the notoriously toughest program. Early Childhood is notoriously hard to get into and notoriously hard to stay in. Special Ed is not quite as hard to get into..but I am now convinced that it is just as hard to stay in. The amount of assignments that have been due this week and are due next week are crazy. I am amazed I have been able to pull them off..and with such a lack of sleep too. I am a champion sleeper, and known for it too. My parents were worried about me starting such a vigorous program, my friends were wondering if I could survive on a smaller amount of sleep than I usually do, and I was freaking. out. last summer about what was to become of me. Could I wake up at (what I thought would be but I have now learned to be 5:15am) 6:00 am and be pleasant throughout the day? WOULD I wake up at 6:00 am and be on time for school? I guess this post is turning out to be more of a positive post than a negative one. Because I HAVE done these things. I HAVE turned in every single assignment, on time and made awesome/good/decent grades. Grades that I am proud of. And let me tell you, my college career has been full of grades that I am not proud of. Hence why I am going for the 5th year victory lap. There have also been mornings when I havent been able to drag myself out of bed on time for class or placement, times that I have not used my best judgement. My (patient and understanding) professors can vouch for this.
Anyway, I guess what this post was originally going to be about, until I started typing, was how mentally, physically and sometimes emotionally exhausted I am. I just wanted to vent. Because honestly, I am plum tuckered out. I am tired of using my brain, and I am tired of always, constantly having something to do. I went from having almost ALL DAY to myself and hardly any homework last spring to a full 18 hours plus placement in the schools on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I have had a hard time the past few weeks after watching Karebear (my roomate) have fun, be able to go to friends intramural games, go to Wing Night, go out on a week night (which we probably havent done since sophomore year) and just straight up HAVE FUN. Granted, she is graduating in less than a month, so she deserves every bit of that fun. It just SUCKS for me. And I have a really hard time not being jealous or selfish about my feelings towards other people having fun. I'll just come right out and say it. Clearly, since I just did.
The College of Education is something I have wanted to be a part of since the summer before I started college, when I registered for classes. I may have changed my major to Art, then back to Education, but its the fact that I ended up back where I started that matters, right? Although the timing sucks right now because I cant go out and have fun with my friends, I am so glad I am not graduating yet and I still have another year to continue getting my act together, being on time for class and school, and GROWING UP. So right now, as frustrated, tired, and sad that I cant hang out with my friends I am...I do feel blessed and thankful for everything that is around me, including my ever-patient roomate who I'm sure ive been a grump to when I cant go have fun with, my parents who are paying a butt-load of money (and are about to pay more...stupid tuition increase) for my higher education (not to mention the victory lap year) and just life in general. I am especially thankful that summer is upon us (ummm really, I dont think I can express my happiness and excitement over this) and on this wee-hours-of-the-morning Good Friday, I am just straight up THANKFUL.
I cannot wait to go home tomorrow afternoon for some R&R and celebrate the fact that He is Risen with my whole family!...then get back to staring at my computer to write a research paper on The Effects of Early Intervention on Behavior and Learning in Children with Down Syndrome.
What I thought was going to be a lame and depressing post didnt turn out so bad. Funny how that happens.
This verse is perfect for my life right now... "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed" -1 Peter: 6-7
Happy Easter, friends!!